Sooo....

Apparently he's not seeing anyone else. And he was quite adamant on the point - which makes me think he wants us to be 'us.' I told him he didn't have to answer me and he could do what he wanted to, but he said he wanted to answer to me - if that makes sense. So does this mean he is reassuring me he isn't seeing anyone? And saying he doesn't want to see anyone else? Hmmm... ponder ponder.

Been meeting some pretty cool people lately - a hot barista in the local coffee shop - we'd be adorable together. Both of us with artsy bohemian jobs. He's also like, 6'5" so I could show him off to Matt. Wait, reminding myself of English Boy! Gosh. This is hard. No, not as hard as I thought it would be. I miss him.
And this guy writing a book in said coffee shop, very cool talks with him and his odd friends whom I love already.

Went to my great uncle's wake - brought up my feelings on religion. Oh well, thats another talk. Actually I just wrote a paper on it for my narration essay for English.

Yesterday evening I beaded at the store and talked to Jolene and her friend Collin, whom I like a lot. He said I talk like a writer, which I love. They're both really sweet. And I got a raise. woot.

Going to France in April. I'm really excited, I feel in control of my life.
And what goal is life if not control over one's own? If thats not freedom I don't know what is. Not there yet, but getting there.


My friends are being a little bitchy. But I don't really need them at the moment.

As long as you know you're right in here you can play the game until you can get out of what you need to be there for. So thats what I'm doing. Ill look blankly at all these things I know are wrong and just do what I have to, and behind it I'll know what I'm thinking, and I'll know what I'm doing it for, and I don't need anyone else to know.


Still - happy saturday. Got my paper typed, going to a local band concert tonight.


Find Peace.

-Z